A coach asked me in desperation a few weeks ago how to handle an increasingly common situation in highly competitive swimming - where swimmers within his team were openly sniping at each other, with swimmers exchanging insults, put-downs, harsh criticism and backstabbing.

This situation had become quite out of hand within the team and was even occurring amongst some of the parents of the swimmers! This unfortunately has become quite a common problem which many swimmers have consulted me about - as some young swimmers, hungry to succeed, will do almost anything to get ahead of their rivals.

If this has been a problem in the past, the first thing to remember in this situation is that there is never a 'winner' in any argument. Both parties always lose, big time - in the areas of focus and concentration, peace of mind, emotional control and motivation, not to mention the health implications from the stress arguments cause. Often arguments cause swimmers to swim in a state of anger, and eight times out of ten this does not help performance (note: there are always some exceptions - there is a small percentage of swimmers whose peak emotional state - the mental state in which they swim best - is anger, which means they actually thrive on verbal arguments!).

So the first rule is to avoid getting involved in arguments, because you never, ever win them. Of course, this is not to stop others from verbally abusing you or attempting to psych you out before races or during training - so this is where you must use your mental strength, and the master key to remaining calm when being verbally attacked.

OK, are you ready for it? This principle may prevent your feelings from ever being hurt again! The master key to defending yourself against verbal attack is this (and it might not make any sense to you at first):

Remain in the third person!

That's the secret! So what does it mean? This - when someone is verbally attacking you, or criticizing you, or trying to psych you out in any way - simply observe what they are trying to do, instead of being involved in what they are saying. Let me repeat this, because it is so, so important - just observe what they are trying to do (which is to upset you), instead of being involved in what they are saying. Be aware of exactly what they are trying to achieve - and simply know that nothing they say can possibly affect you unless you allow it.

You see, it is always your choice whether to let their comments bother you, which means it is also your choice NOT to let them affect you. The power is on your side, not theirs - but most people don't realize this and allow themselves to be affected by cheap 'psychological warfare' tactics such as harsh criticism.

By transferring your role to 'witness' of the criticism (instead of the 'victim'), you take back your own power and calmly watch their lame attempts to unsettle you, instead of being affected by them. That is the secret - never get emotionally involved in their words, always remember it is their problem, not yours - so let them deal with it! Remain in the third person - it works.

Last but not least, remember that people's comments about you are purely and simply their opinion, it is not written in the law books anywhere - so you have the power to reject that opinion, and most importantly, ALWAYS put your own opinion of yourself above anyone else's. As long as you know you're OK, that's all that ever matters, never forget this.

So from now on, you are equipped to take on any amount of criticism and remain unaffected by it. Nothing need ever bother you ever again, so go out there and show the world what you can do - there's nothing to stop you now.

The Mind controls the body, and the mind is unlimited.
The best of success, Craig Townsend

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Motivation & Sport Psychology for Swimmers

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